Wyatt James

This is the name of the little boy who has been kicking me from the inside!
My little miracle man, I didn’t think you would come into my life naturally, but here you are, growing and healthy.
This little guy has given me so many new feelings, just so much  love! Wyatt is due April 14th, I am anxiously waiting for April to meet him:)

Regulated Medical Cannabis 101

You would think that working in a medical marijuana dispensary would be the least stressful job on earth, in reality it’s become very stressful indeed. You must know that all eyes are on you at all times, we are legally required to have security cameras, and the MMED ( medical marijuana enforcement division) can request video at any time.
You must be aware of little things at all times, when weighing out product, it must not go above the legal allotment. If it goes .01 grams over the allotment, that sale is out of compliance.
You must sticker each product before it goes out the door, that means if someone is purchasing 56 different grams, it must all be labeled properly, put into a certified childproof container, and the patient must leave with their receipt. Not so hard, until you have a patient purchasing large amounts, with other patients waiting and they need to get somewhere soon.
It’s a process to purchase medical marijuana. You must have a valid state id, and your registry card. If the registry card is damaged in any way, it has become invalid. This year the registry cards came out and they decided it would be a great idea to print the needed info on top of the laminate. The ink can and will rub off if not stored safely, if it goes on your wallet the heat can rub off the ink. I have seen over 50 damaged cards that were under 2 months old! Not serving a patient due to a damaged invalid card breaks your heart. These people have a medical condition, have driven a long way in order to purchase their medicine, only to be told the card they purchased and saw a doctor for is now invalid because they put it in their wallet for safe keeping.
Oh and if you’re nice and let someone in with a damaged card you risk your job, your expensive badge to work in the industry, the $10,000 minimum license of the dispensary, and livelihood of your fellow employees.
After your id and registry card are scanned into the system can you legally purchase your medical marijuana. Most dispensaries have a few strains of flower in jars for you to choose from, edibles, concentrates, lotions and various cannabis products.
All products must come from a compliant licensed vendor, who has gone through testing to ensure a safe to consume product. It is our job to make sure this product leaves our store in a childproof container (which we must have a certified paper to prove packaging is indeed childproof and AOK by the state.)
Inventory is a nightmare, you must keep track of the plant from seed to sale. If you have ever been around cannabis, it is a dry plant. Also messy, it gets everywhere. The buds can start to crumble into what we call shake. It is dusty, and gets spilled a lot. You must keep track of it, weigh it, and if it hits the floor it must be destroyed properly on camera, and recorded in a compliance notebook, as well as the state inventory website.
There is to be no consumption on property, no exchange of product, and a weird one: no giving away free marijuana products.
This industry is highly regulated, you must realize that any little thing that could look suspicious on camera could cost you not only a job, but risk a store shutting down.
Other than feeling big brother’s eyes on you at all times, it is a wonderful experience. To be in the start of a new growing industry is exciting and educational. The patients and employees are diverse and wonderful people.
I used to perceive the “stupid stoner” before diving into this industry, now I know that stoners persist of your grandmother, the CEO of a huge corporation, or a 6 year old girl whose parents are looking for anything to help her chronic seizures. It really is an interesting, stressful, rewarding and just plain amazing industry that I am proud to be a part of.

Crowded, but happy-ish

My in laws moved in! That consists of Nathan’s mom, her husband and their 8 year old, Danica. I wasn’t too excited about that idea, our apartment is pretty small. But now it’s been a few weeks, and I’m happy. I work a lot, so family time doesn’t happen too often. I’m horrible, though. It’s my day off and I’ve been on Facebook and in bed all day!
Yesterday was my company picnic, it was okay. Mostly stayed by people I know, started to get a headache so I wasn’t much fun:(
I am super close to living in a zoo! I own a little weiner dog, but at this moment there are 2 dogs, 3 cats, and 5 birds in the house. I think we should get a monkey, then it becomes a real zoo!
Please enjoy the animal photos:

Must get butt off couch

I’ve been awake for a few hours, and I have managed to get one thing done. I got my puppy his appointment for vaccinations made. That’s something, right?
What I really need to do  is get my butt up and get my truck to emissions testing so I can get license  plates. My temp plates expired on the 9th. But fo some reason  I am afraid of failing, and it scares me… Damn  you anxiety!
Damn you laziness… my days off are always like this, I sit on my butt and do nothing. Okay I am going to go clean the truck and hopefully pass emissions!

The last cigarette of the night

Is sitting right in front of me. And I have to share it…. I’m so selfish, and lazy. I could go out and get another pack, but it’s almost 1am and I’m very warm, and comfy, and the hubs and I are watching SVU. So I’m going to complain about it:) if I am up much later I will just go n get some. Blah!!
So my first day as manager… A frigging mess. I have a new assistant manager, my staff is so confused, no one was told I was manager. They are taking the safes out of the safe room, we are still open and busy. A shipment comes in, I am just walking around in awe. My inventory was a mess, only one category was put in the inventory and I sent off the email. I make a call because a package was switched, I get a nasty email about only having one category in the inventory. My first day I wanted to quit. I wanted to cry. I got home late, missed hanging out with my brother, I just felt like poo.
Next day was a little better, I got some help. Organized the next few days, finally got everything on the inventory sheet to send off. My patients have been on and off about the changes, most of them loved my previous manager. I feel like all eyes are in me. I’m so anxious and every night I am afraid of fucking up. I’m not home as much. I’ve been bad. Hardly talking to my hubs, not talking to anyone basically.
Last week my sister called me to let me know that my brother’s best friend, Jake committed suicide. I felt so bad, this guy was only 22 or 23 years old. He had overdosed on something, I’m still not sure what. My brother was handling it as well as one could, he just felt guilty that he was not there to help him, or convince him otherwise. I had seen jake while I was in Illinois the beginning of this month, he seemed so grown up, and he had hugged me and asked how I was doing. We were at a bar, my brothers band was performing. They had Jake sing with them.
I know exactly how my brother feels. Our cousin, Brittani committed suicide in 2008. Her dad and I were the last people to see her. It was January 21st, I had spent the night at her house. We were up the night before, and I knew she was depressed. She was on a bunch of different meds, and they made her gain weight, which made it even worse. She had told me that she was just so sad all the time, I told her we had stuff to look forward to, her 18th birthday was coming, (February 3rd) I helped her plan her party, thought about what I wanted to get her….on January 21st her dad was driving me to meet up with my mom. I wanted her to go with us on the ride, but she wanted to stay home. That should have been a sign, but I just thought she wanted to go on the internet or call a boy. Her dad and I left, and when I got home we got a phone call. Britt had killed herself. I was devastated. I just wish I had made her go with us, but that may have not prevented it.
Emotional pain from the past always comes back to haunt me, and jake had done it the same month as Britt did almost 7 years ago.
I am so sorry, brother. I wish I could hug you right now. There was no way for me to get back to IL, I had just been there.
Sometimes this move just kills me. I miss my family and friends, but I was becoming an alcoholic. I was taking advantage of living at home, having my friends around, avoiding my mother..
I don’t know where I’m better off. Why can’t I just be happy? Grateful for what I have? I’m going to try and turn myself around. Let’s see where it leads me…..

Oh hey… I have a blog!?!

Life is… Busy. It’s been a crazy few months, when did I write last? Hmm… Well I was the assistant manager of a medical marijuana dispensary. It was a crazy job and I was constantly stressed. Inventory kept getting messed up and it was unorganized. It’s crazy because a year ago I was wanted to manage a dispensary, but shit kept getting fucked up, and the company I worked for sold to this new company.
I was a budtender which is what you think it is, the barista of pot:) I went from old company to new company and within a few weeks I was asked to be assistant manager of a store. I wanted to get shit done, be awesome at my job… But I kept fucking up, or maybe my brain was saying that. Our store is a busy freaking store, and keeping track of everything felt damn near impossible. I had interviewed for two jobs during this period and didn’t get a call back. Anyways, December I stayed late a bunch of nights to try and get the store put back together. And then we had a supposed gas leak.. We had to shut down for a few days and then I left for Illinois to see my family and have a late Christmas. A couple says into my vacation, I get a call from my manager. She is crying, she said she got fired. Oh shit, I knew out store needed some attention but fired??? Was I fired?? I’m in Illinois, what the fuck can I do? Absolutely nothing.
So while I was in IL I just drank every night with my friends, tried to catch up. I feel like a douche bag friend/sibling. I never text my friends back, never call my family, I talk to my dad atleast once every couple weeks and ask him to pay my car loan…. But it was nice to be back for those few days, family time, friend time. I drank too much but what else is there to do in Podunk? My best friends are in some shitty situations and it hurts my heart. My one friend lost her sister to a car accident last year, then in December she lost a baby:( she’s pulling through, I just want to be with her. My other friend has always had problems, but she has a baby now, and no money and the dad just seems to be a waste of space as of recent. She feels stuck, and I can’t even think of how she can get out. It’s hard living so far away when your lived ones are going through a hard time.
My little (22 year old) brother came back out to Colorado with me to stay for a week. I had one day off so I wanted to give him a tour of my dispensary, but I knew that wouldn’t happen with all the shit that was going on. While I was driving him around in Denver, my general manager called me. He asked me to be the manager of my store!! I told him the truth, that I was scared and needed help if they wanted me to do this. He said I would get help, so I took it. I went back to spending time with my brother, we went to the movies, to an arcade, then out to eat. A wonderful time with him:)
The next day I walked into a catastrophe……

TBC…

Get over it!

Okay I’ve had time to reflect on my shitty day. I would like to list things I am thankful for:)
My amazing fiancé, who compliments me and always tries to put me in a good mood.
My puppy who is 11 months old and cuddled me all day.
The weather was beautiful today, so nice to play with the dogs in my yard.
My yard, not often will you get a decent yard and my size apartment in this town!
Facebook because I could see all my friends lovely faces even though they live far away.
My health and intelligence….
Love<3 so thankful for love!

In the moment I get so down but it was one lousy freaking job and one lousy freaking week, I will put myself out there again and put on a happy face! Hope everyone has a wonderful rest of the week! Sending out good vibes to all!

I’m not ready to cry about it yet.

Happiness has lasted about two weeks, now at this point everything I was happy about has been taken away from me, job and money. I have no clue what I’ve done wrong!
I thought I was getting back up from being down so long, but no I am back at zero.
When do I stop trying? When is it time to surrender? It’s so strange all of this happening in one week, all of my plans are gone.
All I can think about at this point is getting into bed and sleeping for a couple weeks. I don’t know if I have the confidence to put myself out there again.
Is this the cosmos way of telling me to change careers? Because I have no idea what else to do! If changing careers is what needs to happen I should plan on living in a box, I don’t have the savings or time to switch careers. I’ve put so much into this one.
Trying to put on a happy face, going to sleep today off.

Decisions!

Well, I decided to stay in Colorado! I had a talk with my Dad a couple weeks ago, and he convinced me that I am doing great, I just needed to believe in myself. Imagine that.
Once I decided to stay things have all of a sudden started going my way, as it the universe is telling me I made the right choice. I was called in for an interview, and right after that my current employer promoted me. This all happened this week!
Maybe I can start to pull myself out of the depression I’ve been feeling.
Here’s to looking up!

Diary: June 2004- July 2004 age 14

Friday June 24th, 2004. Age:14

“Hey! Not much going on. Robert is at camp until tomorrow, he’s been there since Monday. So awhile ago I guess his friend Mike told Robert that I was going to leave him for Mike. I didn’t know that! And his friend is really ugly and I like Robert too much! So anyways, a whole argument started cuz robert asked me on msn if I liked Mike, and I thought that he meant as if I liked him as a person or a friend way, so I said “yeah” and robert took it the wrong way. He wouldn’t believe me until I basically said that Mike was ugly! Lol! And I also brought up to robert that everyone’s been telling me that he’s going to cheat on me and stuff. we both decided that we weren’t going to listen to other people any more! so, after the Jr. High graduation, neither of my parents were home, so we made out on the couch:) that was the first time we’ve kissed indoors! yah, my mom doesn’t like him cuz of the way he dresses. He dresses kind of skater, but that’s what I’m into, so idk. She’s just not into the idea of me having a boyfriend. oh well. I mean, I really started late, most people have had boyfriends since like 5th grade. Idk, I hate being unpopular, and I’m so glad I’m out of SMS, and I don’t have to worry about a uniform! Well, I’m going to bed, Bye!

Sat. July 10th, 2004. Age: 14
Hey! So today is going to be John’s 12th birthday! So, the 4th Robert and I had our 2 month. I haven’t seen him since June 30th. My mom is leaving for an Army thing at 4:30 am. She wont be back till the 24th. Yayness! I know its mean, but my mom’s been crazy, so her being gone actually rox! Im going to my cousin, Stephanie’s bridal shower tomorrow. When Robert went to camp, he wrote me a letter. It was really cute, and he has really girly handwriting, like better than mine… on July 26th I’m going on vacation to DC. Well, I’m going to bed. Bye!

OMG- sorry if I am boring everyone with my silly teenage writings. I personally find them hilarious (just a bit humiliating!!)